Smoking Prayers

I, Satan, once enjoyed a certain nocturnal conversation with the Blessed Virgin. On a given wet, cold night: the doors of an empty church had big left unlocked; and I went inside to get out of the inclement elements outside.

As I sat in the transept of the church, at the feet of the Blessed Virgin with whom I was speaking, she said to me, “Tom, this is how we pray:” as a sea of voices recited rote prayers in uniform zombie cadence. She enjoys humoring me, and I was certainly tickled by this. We both laughed for some time at her religious lampoon. On a serious note, however, it clearly and simply illustrates the hypocrisy of Christians concerning their presumed faith.

I smoke, and many’s the time I've lit up in the presence of a Christian who attempted to dampen my pleasure in that sacred moment by sanctimoniously declaring, “You're body is the temple of the living God, and you're defiling it by smoking. Everyone knows smoking is bad for your health.” Like I'm supposed to care.

They, on the other hand, defile every temple, tabernacle, and synagogue they eat in with their prayers, which they generally verbalize; and they pride themselves in the defilement thereof, regardless of whose establishment it is. But I'm supposed to care about how offensive smoking is to them and their so- called God. Why are they who live in glass houses the first to cast stones at others?

If, as Christians say, they are the temple of the living God: why would they ever have to consciously, much less verbally, pray? Where do they think the throne of God would be found inside themselves, if not in their hearts and minds? If God is in their heart or their mind– which presumably control them– why would they need to pray, except to wrest control from God whom they say they serve?

Is rebellion a lesser sin than vandalism against a temple? And if smoking is an offense to God: how come it's the priests in the 'Holy Bible' who were so offended by the smoke in the temple– whenever God was in the house– that they had to hit the exits running? Christianity is Idiocracy on fear- and- ‘roid rage.

Hail Satan.

Murderous Beginnings

The Christian God is such a good father that, if you murder His only begotten son, He will gladly adopt you as His child. And, when you think about it: who wouldn't want such a Father– especially as an adoptive Father? I mean, He really knows how to treat His children. Doesn't He?

If His billions of adopted children can each be murdered on a world like Earth to destroy those other inhabitable worlds of the universe the way Jesus destroyed our world– by turning the families thereof against themselves– how long will it take for Jesus’ Father to adopt enough children to destroy the whole universe? I, Satan, say “Not near long enough. May it never so be.”

Cursed be the Nazarene eunuch and his rancid Father.

Satanic Blessings Upon the Body of Christ

Thou that art called “the Holy Ghost; the Body of Christ; the children of God”: I, Satan, bless thee so:

In the name of Satan; Lucifer; and the Holy One [the sign of the uoside- down cross (left- handed)]: God damn you unholy motherless children of perdition. God damn your unholy Father of perdition. And God damn His unholy Son of Perdition, your unholy “Christ.” 666 is counted unto you now: forever, and ever [sign of the uoside- down cross (left- handed)]. Depart ye workers of iniquity. Amen.

Life is a Conversation

One thing I’ve never heard Christian preachers and teachers say in their discursives on “witnessing” their “beliefs” to “others” is: Listen intently to the one you're conversing with, especially when they're speaking of the things you say you believe in. You might be the one converted.

There is in the Christian the eternal belief that, in a room full of “lunatics going straightway to Hell,” the Christian is the only “sane” one. The fire alarm making the entire conversation unbearable to all in it. Christian “witnesses” ring the fire- alarm- dinner- bell to feed fire- and- brimstone “love feasts.” They speak of the Glory of thier “King of kings” whose blood of “Sodom and Egypt” they drink from “the vine of Sodom” in the “fields” of Gomorrah.

The voluntarily zombified “Body of Christ” is aptly characterized in their “word of God” as the church, economy, and damnation described in Revelation 13. This is the finger pointing directly at the Christian as the “curse” the Christian is eternally “saving” us all from in “bringing in the sheaves,” harvesting itself from the “field”: the world: as the “Body of Christ.”

The Satanist maxim, “Do as thou wilt.” seems the only sensible answer to such. Why not “count the number of the” Christian (666) unto him: not only in Spirit; but with ink? Why not print it on as “a Sign upon [their] hand;” Mark(ed) as “‘frontlets between [their] eyes,’” …and avoid them?” Naked and dead, obviously they are, if they can't have a conversation with anyone but themselves.

Hail Satan.

Magnanimous Conceit vs. Conceited Magnanimity

I, Satan, say magnanimity is selfishness. In caring for others we help ourselves, and in caring for ourselves we help others. I, Satan, would know.

Hail, Satan, full of grace. Our Lady is with me.

The Devil in the House of Penis

I, Satan, say the Vatican is patent hypocrisy and patently hypocritical inasmuch as it was named and is called St. Penis's Basilica; though there is obviously some gay integrity to be found in all those revelatory Peters in all quarters inside the great House of Penis in 'the City of God'.

After all, the only legitimacy Catholics lend the Blessed Virgin is the presumptive fact that she once said, "Whatsoever [Jesus] saith unto you, do it [John 2:5]." But Jesus, while perishing on the cross, said, "Woman, behold thy son [John 19:26f & g]!" in respect of John the Divine; not Penis the Naked. Obviously, if the Catholic fathers had heard their Lord, the Basilica would have been named and called St. John's. After all, their only claim to legitimacy is their presumption upon someone else's Mother. And that's the shits.

Furthermore, I, Satan, say the prophetic truth about the Vatican which is revealed by the name so chosen is: that the only reason the Catholic fathers place such a premium on the Blessed Virgin's only known exhortation to do whatsoever Jesus saith is their desire to follow a pervert in his ways, saying to the lady they presume upon as mother, "Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come [John 2:4b - d]."

Godspeed me. I, Satan, love and hail all ladies. Goddamn all you cunts. You know who you are.

What Love?

These days, the queers are fond of saying, "Love is love." But I, Satan, say, "God is love [1 John 4:8b, et. al]; and if a love is not God: then that love is perverse and unbearable.

Godspeed me. I hail myself.

Strong Delusion

Is the 'Holy Bible' patently false: a snake- oil scam? Is it profoundly misunderstood, even if it were true? Is it a masterpiece of deceptive device designed to catch sheeple in perdition? Considering the effects belief in the 'Holy Bible' has had on one national population– that of the United States– it seems the 'Holy Bible' must be all of the above; and then some.

This is not to say the Doctrine itself, when viewed critically– in a vacuum– won't reveal the Devil as it's author; but, given the wanton hypocrisy exhibited by those who believe the 'Holy Bible' is the word of God: it seems the natural and ecclesiastical revelations are more legitimate indictments of the Bible's perceived virtue than the "special revelation" (which is the canon itself) could be when compared with itself. It could only be otherwise if those who profess belief in the 'Holy Bible' were personally aware of the contents thereof; in which case, the evidence could and would speak for itself.

After all, one of the favorite double standards employed by the body of Christ to disregard and marginalize informed opinions concerning the 'Holy Bible' is to call those of us who– unlike their pastors, scholars, and selves– have read, studied, and searched the scriptures, ad nauseam: 'book- smart nincompoops'; i.e. 'educated idiots'. One can live in complete denial about a great many things as long as one never looks in the mirror. The Christian churches are existential proof of the truth of this maxim.

The late Pete Ruckman said that in every con job there's two con men: the one conning; and the one getting conned. The defining trait which identifies both parties as the same milieu is the fact that both are in the con to get something for nothing, i.e. a "free gift." (Somehow, Pete could say this and defend the efficacy of "the free gift of salvation"-- both with straight face, in the same breath.) This illustration succinctly defines the nature of the Christian faith. Christians and their "God" are all in the faith for what they think they can get from it. They watch for souls, alright: Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places.

Soteriology is replete with examples of the blind avarice of it's constituency. Murder, however, is not atonement with any God worthy of the time of day from a human being; and murder is necessary to salvation, as salvation is defined and observed by all of Christianity. Therefore, as per the basic fundamentals of conscience: the essential Doctrine of the 'Holy Bible' is a fairy tale for queer strangers; and this brings us back to the evidence conspicuous in the ecclesiastical and natural revelations of current events in America.

The only shred of evidence required by yours truly to wipe my ass with the 'Holy Bible' and smoke the "God" who wrote it with extreme prejudice, in clear conscience devoid of any fear of being wrong, is the existential knowledge I, Satan, have of the deviant proclivities of the body of Christ as a whole; coupled with my own observations (and those of others I've conversed with) of the confusion and damage the normalization of the queer lifestyle has wreaked on America (not to mention the rest of the world). Someone is always saying, "Nothing makes sense, anymore," in America these days. You can thank Christians and their "God" for your mental fatigue in this matter.

A quick Google search easily exposes the collusion of Christianity in the conspiracy to ruin America by pernicious inundation of wicked perversion of the most inconceivable sorts, when informed by common sense. Know this: If not for a barrage of years- long, constant lobbying by Christian pastors, preachers, priests, bishops, and so on for special legal considerations for queers, single- sex union and hate- crime legislations would never have been considered; much less passed, in America; ditto for the rest of the world. It takes a Christian to call queer normal. It takes the "God" of Christians to call queer saintly.

I, Satan, hail myself. On the behalf of all gods everywhere: Amen.

Remembering to Forget

The day before yesterday was Memorial Day. As such, death is on the minds of many; sacrificial death in particular. I, Satan, am one of these many.

Christians probably say Memorial Day is-- like everything else they give lipservice to-- all about Jesus. After all, Jesus died sacrificially for us all, according to Christians.

According to Christians, Jesus knew his nation-- indeed the world, ultimately-- would scapegoat him for all their own wickedness, condemning him to the death they deserve; and that he would rise from the dead. The 'fact' that Jesus knew all these things makes his death more special than all other deaths combined, according to Christians. I, Satan, say otherwise.

More precious to me is each of the more than 58,000 sacrificial deaths recorded on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in D.C. (not to mention the half- a- million- plus who died in the Bellum; or the billion- and- a- half who've died generally in warfare throughput recorded history). According to Christians' own beliefs about the foreknowledge of Jesus concerning all things, it should be the same for them.

After all, none of those 58,000- plus who died in Vietnam (and elsewhere) knew God would resurrect them; much less any of the other things Christians say Jesus knew about himself, his place in the universe, his relationship with God, and so on. They simply did what they had to-- or thought was the right thing to do-- without any other consolation than the knowledge that, for them, the sacrifice of death was inescapable. It had to be done; and that by them. Much more pitiful and honorable their deaths than his, I, Satan, say.

Here's to all the soldiers. All gave some. Jesus took all. Goddamn Jesus. You are not forgotten.

Innocent Victimizer

Is it hypocrisy or ignorance which compels Christians to simultaneously decry the erosion of "family values"; and praise Jesus of Nazareth as their perfect, innocent victim? For instance: I think every 'Liturgy of the Mass' I've ever heard a Catholic priest read is careful to refer to Jesus just so: "our perfect, innocent victim."

Jesus of Nazareth said, "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart [Matthew 5:28b]." Perhaps you-- like I-- have seen Kirk Cameron and his pastor, on a television show called 'The Way of the Master', saying that the above statement attributed to Jesus means any man possessed of normal appetite is guilty of adultery, and therefore hellbound if not "saved" by Jesus. Likewise Christians say Jesus' presumed innocence is his efficacy to save. However:

Jesus of Nazareth also said, "34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household [Matthew 10:34 - 36]."

Does being a homewrecker-- not only at heart, but-- in 'ministerial' deeds, speaking louder than words, not make Jesus of Nazareth anything- but- innocent? Why do Christians blame the Devil for the current crisis of family degradation, and not see their "innocent victim" Jesus as the same Devil? I, Satan, say murdering another for the express purpose of saving one's own bacon is murder: even if that's grape juice on your hands.

Hail Yourself Much?

I, Satan, have a question for professing Christians: If you really believe what you profess belief in, why do you do the things you do? I know this query covers too broad a scope of terrain to be easily answered, so let's keep the sights dialed- in on genuflection, as representative of all activities.

Why bow down? Why faceplant 'before the holiness,' if you are holy? If you are the body of Christ: why the vain show of will worship? Should a God prostate himself (inasmuch as you believe in a Father) before his own image? If so, shouldn't your Father worship you? Are you not his graven image, made after his likeness?

More to the point: Why do you so worship yourselves? When the priest holds up the eucharist and the congregation genuflects: Are you not bowing down to the body of Christ; a thing you claim to be?

Are you not eating yourself and drinking your own blood? Does not the fool fold his hands together and eat his own flesh, as Solomon said? What kind of family values does sanctifying yourself engender? I, Satan, desire no such family of bootlickers. How can anything get done when and where everyone's worshipping each other and themselves instead of doing something useful?

I, Satan, desire not a flock of sheeple; but rather a pack of co- conspirators. The only thing a man can do alone is die. Serve death and worship yourselves all you want to.

I, Satan, hail myself and carry on. Amen.

Namasté

I, Satan, acknowledge the truth and power of namasté. Perhaps this is one of the traits in my character that gives me away as Satan.

I, Satan, take it for granted everyone I encounter is God: until they convince me otherwise. I am, after all, keenly aware of the divine spark inhabiting me: the Daystar in my heart.

I, Satan, understand God (which is to say, love) lives and moves in me. Therefore I, Satan, have no qualms functioning as my own higher power-- in opposition of and to all other higher powers when and if necessary to retain the integrity of my own relationship with the divine within me.

I, Satan, trust no one as completely as I do myself to keep me in touch with and knowledgeable of God.

I, Satan, "namasté" myself. Amen.

Uncle's a Better Mother

When Christians call someone Satan: one of the express implications of their derision as so verbalized is that the object of their scorn deserves to be a vagabond (like Cain supposedly was). Furthermore: you can rest assured they have already solemnly vowed in the privacy of their prayer closet (in agreement with their prayer partners) to do their own damnedest to assure "Satan" becomes a vagabond; in the blood and name of their 'precious' LORD of Sodom. Their faith in "God" depends on the success of such conspiracies.

As stated in the bio (in the header of this blog): I, Satan, know about such things existentially. Christians have always called me Satan and Lucifer. My mother started it. She conspired against me before she birthed me.

At any rate, thanks to the Christian family's shabby mistreatment of yours truly: I, Satan, have had to rely on the 'nanny state' for subsistence for some years. As a result, I have existential assurance that Uncle Sam makes a better Mother than Audrey and the Church combined. Not only does he do more of real consequence to help the needy; his representatives in his charity work actually treat the poor souls they serve like human beings. Such Christians cannot be found, as a hard, fast rule with extremely few exceptions.

Like their fear of God, the 'love' the bride of Christ has for human beings is a matter of cheap talk and appearances at best. If they really cared about people, or souls, the doors of churches would never be locked. They can certainly afford to keep the light of hospitality burning 24/7, from a monetary point of reference. But they haven't the heart to afford the love of ought but money. 

The bride of Christ is the harlot of Revelation 17 infamy. The seven heads of the beast on which she sits are the seven churches mentioned in Revelation 1 - 3. The names of blasphemy which fill the beast on which she sits are her own names-- from the membership rolls. She's a whore. All she cares about is money and her sorcery fix from the strange flesh of dead Jesus and his magical blood; that and justifying her own whoring ways.

The 'Holy Bible' is a mousetrap, and the children of Abraham are the mice. This likes them and their shabby "God" Jasper. Just as they cannibalize Sardine stone fishy Jesus and all the Satans they can imagine, so their "God" eats them and drinks their blood as wine. The mutton of his pasture are men, as he has so often said through his prophets.

I, Satan, hail myself.

Jesus is Coming

Jesus is coming. Jesus is always coming. Christians say so all the time. What I, Satan, don't know is: Where is Jesus coming? I, Satan, don't need to know the answer to this question. It really doesn't concern Satan where Jesus comes: or even if he comes at all. I, Satan, am however curious.

Ye men of the LORD: Where is Jesus coming? down your throat? up your ass? on the floor? in your face? where? Why are you so proud of him for coming? Perhaps I, Satan, misapprehend your pride. Are you rather proud of yourselves for being so sexy as to make Jesus come? Does your Jesus come with you? or is he selfish enough to come before you do, and leave you hanging: the way you do to your wives?

I, Satan, hail myself. Godspeed me. Amen.

The Inequality of Equality

I, Satan, play favorites. I cannot and will not pretend to enjoy Roy Rogers' movies at all: much less to enjoy them as much as I, Satan, love Clint Eastwood's masterpieces. To do so would be disingenuous and wickedly beguiling-- as well as decidedly Christian of me.

I, Satan, agree with The Big Solomy's statement that to strike princes for equity is evil [Proverbs 17:26], and I, Satan, further attest and constantly affirm that to do so is-- like a parable in the mouth of fools-- unequal. 

Treating all-- no matter the substance of their character-- as the same lowest common human denominator, for purposes of justifying the abuse of fools and princes alike as saintly consistency and personal responsibility, obviously appears godly to Christianity; but I, Satan, consider this sort of behavior miscreant deviance and very wickedness.

I, Satan, do not condone having all things common. I, Satan, condone freedom and common sense in abhorrence of apostolic succession and communistic Christianity. I, Satan, defend my right to offend the indefensible. 

I, Satan, hail myself. Amen.