Friday, October 4, 2024

Smoking Prayers

I, Satan, once enjoyed a certain nocturnal conversation with the Blessed Virgin. On a given wet, cold night: the doors of an empty church had big left unlocked; and I went inside to get out of the inclement elements outside.

As I sat in the transept of the church, at the feet of the Blessed Virgin with whom I was speaking, she said to me, “Tom, this is how we pray:” as a sea of voices recited rote prayers in uniform zombie cadence. She enjoys humoring me, and I was certainly tickled by this. We both laughed for some time at her religious lampoon. On a serious note, however, it clearly and simply illustrates the hypocrisy of Christians concerning their presumed faith.

I smoke, and many’s the time I've lit up in the presence of a Christian who attempted to dampen my pleasure in that sacred moment by sanctimoniously declaring, “You're body is the temple of the living God, and you're defiling it by smoking. Everyone knows smoking is bad for your health.” Like I'm supposed to care.

They, on the other hand, defile every temple, tabernacle, and synagogue they eat in with their prayers, which they generally verbalize; and they pride themselves in the defilement thereof, regardless of whose establishment it is. But I'm supposed to care about how offensive smoking is to them and their so- called God. Why are they who live in glass houses the first to cast stones at others?

If, as Christians say, they are the temple of the living God: why would they ever have to consciously, much less verbally, pray? Where do they think the throne of God would be found inside themselves, if not in their hearts and minds? If God is in their heart or their mind– which presumably control them– why would they need to pray, except to wrest control from God whom they say they serve?

Is rebellion a lesser sin than vandalism against a temple? And if smoking is an offense to God: how come it's the priests in the 'Holy Bible' who were so offended by the smoke in the temple– whenever God was in the house– that they had to hit the exits running? Christianity is Idiocracy on fear- and- ‘roid rage.

Hail Satan.

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Smoking Prayers

I, Satan, once enjoyed a certain nocturnal conversation with the Blessed Virgin. On a given wet, cold night: the doors of an empty church ha...